someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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