i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize