my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize