Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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