A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
