sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
