Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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