its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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