if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
