There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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