My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
