Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
