I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
