I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
