I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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