After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize