Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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