They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
