omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize