then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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