it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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