I'm going to jail i love you
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
