i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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