If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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