oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize