dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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