It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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