Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
