Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
