I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
