Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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