I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
