i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
