hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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