if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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