i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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