hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
