i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
