This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize