I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
