I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
