I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
