Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
