I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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