for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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