she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
