i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
