i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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