I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
