Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The beer is more important than you right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
