i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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