I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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