are you still at the devil's house?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
