Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
