you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
