After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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