Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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