evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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