I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
