Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
