Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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