she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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