do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
