I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
