I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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