I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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