So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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