look no pants
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
