she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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