Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
porn star boner night. come get it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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