i just made my gag reflex go away.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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