oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
