Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I believe in your delicious
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
