I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So many bounce houses so little time
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
