no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
