Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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