"it" just moved
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
