i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
