If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
