am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
