he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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